Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
