his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
