Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
