In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
