Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
