And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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