It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
