I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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