blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
