The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
