Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
