I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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