i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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