Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
