I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
