Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
