So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
