I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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