So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
