Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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