i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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