i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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