Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
