a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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