i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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