Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
