We won't sleep together?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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