You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
