omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So vagazzling was a success
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
