i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
