You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
