so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
