Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
