Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I know her cup size but not her name....
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