I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize