My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
