obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize