I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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