Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
