I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
