so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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