I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
