I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
