I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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