is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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