he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
