I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
