I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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