Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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