Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
