Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize