sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
so much tequila, so little girl.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
