Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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