It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
