the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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