she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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