Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
