she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
we should paint friendship bongs
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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