Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
