Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Randomize
