Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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