Where did you get a picture of my penis
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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