I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
