I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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