my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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